We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Randomize