i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize