I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I think I won the penis lottery.
the condom got lost in my hair
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
