my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
