You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
