so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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