we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
