the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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