who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
