I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
