Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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