I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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