Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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