My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
