I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
That accounts for only three of the penises
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
