i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
