I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
so much tequila, so little girl.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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