She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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