when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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