so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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