taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I think my moral compass just broke
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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