I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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