I hate all girls vehemently.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Girls should come with a carfax report
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
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