Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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