Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
