It's like God shit irony all over that family
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
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