Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
