I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
