Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
