I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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