My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
