He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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