What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
