This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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