I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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