My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
