I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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