i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
