I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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