I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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