If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
