You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
