There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
