He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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