Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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