U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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