tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
