The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Randomize
