Sponge bath it is.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
