No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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