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The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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