I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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