I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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