I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
