we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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