WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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