giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
We need to rekindle our bromance
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize