He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
He shit in the fireplace
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