Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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