I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
