1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
