I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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