I am in a vortex of obligation.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
