I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Randomize
