you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
