k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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